this is a grown-up game.

i have the apartment to myself this week. i am overjoyed. i feel like it has been forever since i've sat in my own place, my own thoughts. i am counting down the days until i can have my own space all the time. yay.

i lit some candles, put on a random mix cd my cousin had made me. new music. i've been in a music rut for awhile. it is so nice to appreciate other music. it says something different to me. makes me feel different. sometimes more connected. more grounded. i've been missing out.

i made a vision board today. i have auditions all week. thursday. friday. it is time for me to start living. that is the only way i can put it. i need to start chilling out. something i hope this blog will help me out with...i'm a regular carrie bradshaw. if only.

i am definitely a lot darker than i let myself be. i don't know exactly what that means, but i know that it is true. the truth. i need to get myself out there. out there...

i met with a large agency yesterday and had my ego bruised. i agree with them. i don't think i am ready for 'them' yet but i am fucking ready. KL will be calling me this week and i have a phone conference with V tonight. this is my summer. it has to be. it is.

i had the best vacation with tina last week. we smoked pot, ate food, got horrendously drunk and giggled. the best and most relaxing vaca in a long time. it was much needed for the both of us. beer brings us down from the sugar high we get from being stoned...and pot helps us recover from our hangovers...it's cyclical, really.

i am going to go grab some food and rent the first season of the L WORD. great show. i know now what T is always swooning over. great actors. great script. great love.

MLS is coming back in august and i am excited to start working with her. the reason i say start is because i was a brat those four days. a brat. makes sense, but it was super annoying and i can only be grateful that she saw past my resistance and wants to work with me again. haha.

i can only be the best i can be. that best is the best. there is no room for me to be someone i'm not. if that makes me a bitch, then that makes me a bitch. i can't help it.

words to eliminate:
-can't
-really

boys. guys. men. hmmm.
j. i trust you. wish you were around more. we have the most fun together. you make me smile.
b. you confuse me. we don't fight for eachother enough. i don't know if we should.
m. ya. i don't want to fall for you again and i am afraid that it'll happen. it is happening. stop please.

this blog is like a brain fart and i really like it. i am listening to music that i have never heard before and i really LOVE it. dominic has good taste in tunes.
i am sitting in candlelight. i am going out for dinner and most definitely need to freshen up.

this is a grown-up game. it is time that i trust myself more. now more than ever.

xoxo