disturbia.

i am smoking in my apartment.

i am weirdly paranoid that my neighbours will smell the sweet aroma of pot and want to come and session. haha, no i am paranoid that THEY know.

fuck, sometimes being high is so irritating. who is THEY anyway?

EXACTLY.

i was watching MTV on ROD at K's place today. my super sweet sixteen.

i actually took something from that show:

'sexy is not a look; it's a state of being'
hmm, weirdly i am one with the stupid rich girl on this. she was a major brat, spoiled bitch. fuck, i hate 'rich' kids.
* not kids who are rich--the spoiled ones. the ones that act like they are above you because their 'daddy' is richer than your daddy-o.

ya, well, mine's a rockstar, bitch.

***


anyway, after work last night, i sat with stefFUNNY (i adore her) and a NHL hall of famer. true story. he came into the bar to drink and ended up staying until closing time. he sat at the bar; a little meatier than the rookies, silver flowy hockey hair, blackberry constantly in hand--he said 'hello' to SFUNNY and me--ended up smoking a spliff. still had NO idea who the fuck he was. i had heard from ash and B that he was going to be indighted (SPELLING!) into the hall of fame in november.

NHL: so you girls, REALLY, don't know who i am? (smirk)
SFUNNY and HW:(look at eachother) nope!
NHL: (awkward) ha-ha-ha, keep it that way...(starts pacing away)...man...

then we ditched him and hailed a cab.

i didn't like him from the start but i was trying to be nice. FUUUCK being nice. he was so rude and awkward. he called our pot hash. SFUNNY corrected him though. haha, old man.

and he told me that me being an actor is 'funny'. he also told me if i was an actor to recite some script. S-C-R-I-P-T! script. kkkkkk mister.

that's not how it works numbnuts!

HW:(eyes wide)'oh you're right,gee,let me take a breath and begin a wonderful script. it's quite amazing writing. you might have heard of...(sigh) shakespeare's HAMLET?'

he also told me if i DIDNT have a script than that's TOO bad. if he was jerry bruckheimer sitting infront of me and i didn't recite a SCRIPT, than that's TOO bad. he said BAD as if he pitied me. fucker.

if jerry bruckheimer was sitting infront of me--i would have bought him a beer and introduced myself to him and than maybe...have the guts to ask him for a meeting/audition/casting call.

PUHLEASE MISTER NHL. go away and never come back. hasbeen.


***

going for coffee on thursday with B. hello, second chances. SECOND? maybe it's third. fuck, with him, i never know where i'm at. we are going as friends. i think. i am going with the mentality of friends because i don't wanna fuck around anymore. and when i get back from otown for tgiving and my 22ND BIRTHDAY, bitches, i will be going for coffee with spinner. well, he doesn't know yet but i am pretty sure he'll be down.

this was fun bloggers, but i must facebook stalk.
LOVE. peace.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxxoxoxox

in those jeans.

i had a day today.

relaxed, sang my heart out to karaoke, read a bit...went to pick up my new jeans from the seamstress and grab a pumpkin spice latte--hey! it's the fall. let's celebrate.

my front door key has been pissing me off lately. especially when it is three in the morning and i am coming home from the bar. ' get me in my fucking house '

it broke in half today. AND I HAD TO PAY FOR IT. again. wtf, right? i put a deposit for this "heavy duty" key. and then it breaks and i have to pay ANOTHER fifty. WHAT THE MOTHER EFF IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

awesome. so that was annoying. i mean, what option did i have? I HAVE TO GET INTO MY APARTMENT. soooo annoyed.

on the bright side, i am rocking such sweet pants right now. wide-legged and gorgeous. the best part?
no one else is REALLY rocking these jeans...and they are unlike any other pair of jeans i have. super excited.
PLUS, they are hemmed. which means short little me isn't going to fuck up my pants anymore. no more dirt and holes on my jeans, mofos!

i worked the bar last night during karaoke. did not sing, however. i was trying to keep up with b on the bar. he is so quick and i wanted to keep up...exhausted. probably why i woke up with a MAJOR migraine this morning.

a friend of mine (and boyfriend of my girl at work) jams wth a band and he told me that i should come and jam with them one night. I THINK THAT WOULD BE COOL.

i told him my plans for this year. one open mic. a written song. learning the acoustic guitar or piano. i think piano is my best bet--anyway, he suggested i jam with him. HELLO. totally gonna do this. i need to work my vocal cords.

i kinda wish i had more friends...i am blogging on a friday night. a friday night that i am not working and i have NOTHING to do but blog and sing karaoke a la youtube.

what am i becoming? help. someone call me and let's eat food/see a movie/chat/be social...

peace, love, and socializing.
xoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxooooooooo

we can go anywhere.

i would like to appologize to the blog-universe for being the suckiest at blogging.

work, work, work all the time.

i want to learn to play the guitar. i think i am going to try to self-teach myself. i might also need to find a ghetto acoustic. the only way i can start writing my music is if i learn to strum. this is going to be difficult because i have no idea how to read music/know NO theory....eeks.

i just wanna sing! one of my goals for this year is to sing an open mic at some point. i am not rushing slash pressuring myself--i just want it to happen organically.

it took me awhile to realize my singing potential. maybe that sounds a little cocky...what i ultimately mean is...i fully realized how much i LOVE to sing. it is a completely different high than acting...oh i love.

my life is coming together and it feels AMAZING!

i know this blog sucks. i am not going to judge it, i ask the same of you.
hahaha--i will blog later tonight. something witty and oh so cool.

peace and love.
there is so much sunshine and love in my apartment.
stunning.

xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxox

sooner or later, it's over.

so what if i sign all my bills/receipts for my customers?
literally.

heart. holly.

it's kinda pretty, and i look forward to it.
i am actually getting so good that i don't even have to look at the paper.

kinda celebrity, don'tcha think? hmmm...subconsciously training...what??

as if i have not blogged since my second day in this apartment.
woah, this has been the best change for me. being so free, so comfortable, so naked.
living on my own was the best effin' idea. i rock.



i might have drunk texted/dialed someone (BIG mistake) last night. it was awkward. i woke up this morning to a terrible headache, and mortifying texts and flashbacks to my ' you don't even know me! ' speeches...what have i become?

i immediately took charge of this, my...poor judgement call...mistake, whatever...thing...

i immediately took charge of the situation by deleting boy's phone number and all text messages on my phone.

then i cried. then i tried to throw up. popped more tylenol. sipped water. passed out.

i woke up half an hour later. call the salon...salon?..i call the salon. move my appointment half an hour. crawl out of bed. make green tea and chinese noodles.

i REALLY tried to eat. popped more tylenol. went to bank...HUGE HEADACHE still happenin'...

went and got my hurr did, yo. honestly, the place where i get my hair done is always so crowded and loud. blaring music--it's a cool atmosphere because you don't have to talk if you don't wanna...you can read as much trash mags in peace!

today it was louder. this was a bad idea, getting drunk last night...making me hungover this morning...getting my hair done in the loudest place in toronto.
WHAT WAS I THINKING???

IN CONCLUSION-my hair looks fabulous.

i think i am going to go read. the night is still young and i kinda wanna fall asleep before 1am (I DO NOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SLEPT BEFORE 2AM!!--for real)

peace, love, and NO MORE DRUNK DIALING/TEXTING.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox i am still mortified.

striptease.

i was without internet last night. i still blogged...

september first.

i am a better actor because i am allowing myself to be myself. i am letting myself be as present in my life as possible. when i am at work, i am at work. my focus is strong and although i might wish to be at a party or watching a movie sometimes, i am still present at work. well, as much as i can be.

tonight is my second night in my NEW apartment!!!!! i unpacked today and discovered (while taking a much-needed shower)—i can see the CN tower from my shower! i have the most darling (the only word that I find fitting) window in my shower…and voila, the ‘infamous’ CN tower.

cannot blog further. my brain is tired and my feet are high.

peace and love—it’s the year!!
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo



hmmmm....