stop and stare.

woah. absolutely beautiful outside today. if it wasn't for cousin L...i probably would still be cooped up in my lovely basement apartment with the lil sis.

we sun-bathed. i think i am addicted to sunshine! woo. so excited. i also came to the conclusion that a cousin quest at the cottage would be such a great quest! it would be relaxing and fun. beer. burgs. hot dogs. sweet times three.

worked tuesday night. brought the sister and cousin R. it was fun at first...i am trying my hardest not to judge and be open to her but it gets hard when drinks are involved...

i was so mad and somehow at MY job--i was left looking and FEELING like i was the bad guy. always. it sucks because it IS my responsibility. family is my responsibility. it's not fair but it is the way it is. i need to stop whining. T and i were talking about it at work...she understands me. sooo creepy. but helpful.

it is so hard being the kid on a pedestal. 'omg, she drinks!' 'omg, she does this and that!'...if it was the other way around it wouldn't be a problem, but because it is me--i can't do 'anything' wrong. if i do...it is the most disapointing thing in the world. because SHE would never be irresponsible..ever.

haha, and when i am and when i make a mistake ONCE (and it would obviously be mild because i am not really THAT badass...) it is thrown in my face. yup.
i guess that's life right? haha--i fucking hate it. lots of resentment that i am working my ass off at trying to beat. it's a fucking grown-up game and there is no room for me to whine and cry about it.

speaking of crying--i have definitely done less of that. i cry when i really REALLY need to cry...but i find that i don't usually resort to tears anymore. definitely a great thing. very brave of me.

my new goal: to be brave.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT. fuck being scared right? what is the worst that is gonna happen? i won't die...and THAT scares me more than anything in this world.
death. shudder.

time for dinner. soup it isssssss....

WEDDING TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!

peace bitches.

xoxoxox