lost. empty. help.

i cleaned today. my room is dust free and my fridge is smelling fresh. i feel good.

well, sorta.

i watched the breakup tonight. cried a little, cuz i'm a fucking baby...drank some pinot grigio (delicous) and made dinner for myself. to be honest, it was a very productive day.

i have two auditions tomorrow--one a print ad and another a commercial for muchmusic and speedstick. i am so grateful to be getting auditions--i cannot wait to book one. it's gonna happen soon. i can feel it.

so i finished the movie tonight and then did my usual lurking. I AM A LURK. a damn good one too. my biggest problem is i lurk the same people.
correction: i lurk the same guy.

stalker, i know. i just can't help it. i feel dumb lurking him hoping that he has made some sort of sign on his profile page (what's his status today?) that he thinks of me too. ew, i'm pathetic. isn't it a little endearing of me? spending so much energy sighing over one dude. a dude that doesn't even live in the same fucking city as me. or the same fucking country as me. EWWWWWW. i gross myself out.

this blog has made me more sad and bitter than i had originally hoped. not the blog as a whole, but this post, really.

i have declined in my pot consumption and i feel good. more productive kinda...although a few tokes and my house would be sparkling right now. fuuuck, i am a GREAT cleaner when i am stoned. soooo focused and soooo obsessive.
kinda freaky...

siesta now.

peace and love.
xoxoxox


ps. j, i miss you. we had so much fuuuun together. it hurts me that you are busy and do not have time to reply to my messages...it hurts me more when i think about how pathetic i am and how much of a loser you must think i am. EWWWW.