falling away.

i've had quite a few days. it's been such a whirlwind of emotions, drama, chaos!!!
it was such silliness that one of the first things i thought to do was update my blog. i need to just...vent? get some stuffff out there in the blog universe.

why is it so easy to feel like your whole world is crumbling down on you? why is it so easy to succumb to the dramatics of life? why do i sometimes feel as if there will never be a solution? hmmm.

i put some order into the chaos that is my life. as you can see, i've changed my blog name-it's the same as my twitter name too-oohhh look at me go!

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so, i've have had some time to think, ponder, question, cry. wah. i've been battling what i thought was a little cold--which blew up to become the cold of all colds. not really all that physically awful-the usual: sniffles, stuffiness, cough coughing, lozenge taking and ODing on vitamin C--but i really wanted to "rest".."rest" to feel better and get this thing outta me so i can keep living my life. i won't let you (you, being the cold) stop ME from doing the things i normally do...like..enjoying food, and going outside, and working, and...seeing people.

fucking isolation. what is that?!

all this thinking i was doing was making me upset. it hurt my poor little cute brain. i thought about everything...from the choices i make to the clothes i wear...it pissed me off. you know when you're sick and EVERYTHING comes at you and you just want it to leave? like..EVERYTHING..everything shitty happens to you when you're feeling shitty... (here's to never feeling shitty again and for always having positive things happening around me!!)...so shittiness happened and i was left feeling like i was confused about my life, my choices, my beliefs, my closet, fuuccck, this was brutal, right?

i came to some conclusions--hey! life can throw you a curveball but i ain't dying! I'M NOT DYING. this is terrific. and yes, it's a total cornfest but really..life is...good. GREAT. THE BEST! the only way to get outta tricky and shitty situations is through them. ACTUALLY. i'm being serious here bloggers.

sitting and wallowing in self misery is NOT the solution (even though it feels SO DAMN GOOD) it's not going to get you ANYWHERE! i had a friend of mine today (god, love her) talk to me on the phone-no sympathy:

"holly, what's up? let's figure this shit out. well...what about this? why haven't you tried this? well what did you change? why? k..well maybe if you did this..."

AMAZING. i love no bullshit. fucking love and respect her more. sometimes as much as we love sympathy (and LORRRDDDDD knows i love it) it doesn't always do us good. it helps feed the wallowing. if it wasn't for her-i'd probably be sitting on my kitchen floor eating that bucket of ice cream, crying.

good thing i finished that ice cream yesterday and there are no tears left in me. goodness.

***

i have decided that i am going to expand my creative abilities. dance classes, voice training...i'm going to write more. even if it's complete garbage...you'd tell me if i totally sucked right bloggers?!

mad love.
xoxox

ps. unhappiness is the unwillingness to confront something/someone. think about it.