it's too late to appologize.

i have taken forever to blog. maybe it's because i am at my mom's place. maybe it's because i am in a rut. maybe it's because i'm lazy.

it's probably that.

to be honest (yay!) it is because i am overly lazy. L-A-Z-Y. i AM lazy and i want to conquer that. i am having a very surreal visit back home. surreal in the sense that it is unlike any visit i have had in this house. i have come home with a completely new attitude, a maturity that was unknown to me before. when i used to live in the house--the overall dynamic was different. sure, my relationships with my mom and my sister have ultimately remained the same (some bumps along the way but you know)...

i have come to terms that my sister and i will not be best friends. i'm not saying ever, i mean now. we will not be living together...i have no idea what i will be doing/what i am doing with my life. like always, (god, i am feeling SO carrie bradshaw season one 'and i wonder...') WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

i will be vacationing and loving L.A in a month...and when i come back--back to reality. boo.

is it weird that i want to DUMP everyone out of my life? start fresh. FUCK Y'ALL!
maybe. kinda weird...

i went out on wednesday to a pool hall/hangout and ran into a large number of people that i have left in my life. classmates from middle school even! (talk about random!)
i saw some boys from my past--and felt grossed out. it is definitely time to ditch M and get on with my life.
why? because i have too many precious people in my life that i should be loving.
why? because i deserve better.
why? because there is way too much drama and if i ditch him maybe i can move on with my life...open doors to men that are not twelve year-old girls. wah wah wahhh!

i feel as though i am sitting in a creative rut. a RUT! i am hoping to try and find a dance class that i can routinely go to (something to look forward to); consider spending some time and money in a recording studio (who knows, riiight?); and most of all HAVE FUN. i want to explore my options--be creative.

i came to the realization that i have been very involved in the arts from such a young age--not only that i've always LOVED it. do you know many fourth graders asking their mothers to go to a prestigious speech and drama school? it's not the most common thing i think...well, maybe it is. i don't have any fucking clue, really.
POINT IS, i have always been involved in SOMETHING, anything, whatever and it has only hit me that i have not been involved in anything--class, lessons, artistic movements--NOTHING...in so long. SOOOO long. i remember how excited i was to take MLS' intensive. jumping for joy. i could finally work my magic...haha, i joke. but i could finally explore some creative aspects of my being..work on something. discover. play. fuuuck, i am so getting involved the moment i set foot in the bus station back to my home.

i am rekindling friendships that have been lost due to college/university/cities. the majority of these friendships were always very creative ones. very inspirational ones. motivational and NOT LAZY.

i have some plans now. the idea of plans make me ever so happy. ever so joyful. i like the idea of working towards something, getting some (ANY) validation (something i am lacking at the moment)...PLANS. my favorite.

my favorite because it means a sense of control. oooh how i love controlling.
what can i say? I'M BOSSY! (sue me!)

it feels good to be back and blogging.

peace and loveeeeee
xoxoxoxox

ps. if it makes you happy--it can't be that bad. riiight?
also--new headshots. time to throw out the spokesmodel and show the world who i really am. excited.