sometimes i question what i believe, what i think i believe, and what others have faith in.
is it ok to question one's own faith? i mean, i'm still learning and growing.
sometimes i feel like i don't know what i believe in anymore. maybe the 'commitment' of believing in something so intensely scares me. that would make sense. is it forever? what happens when i don't want it anymore? what happens next?
commitment. hmm. seems like a scary thing. it's funny because it shakes me but it's the one thing i want more than anything. is it because i want it so bad it scares me? is it the perfection complex? like, everything must be so perfect.
i have new confidence and understanding in life, on life...i know i can handle whatever life throws at me. i mean, i've been doing it for 22 years already. and yesss, 22-big deal right? but i've seen and experienced life. i don't care what others think.
maybe this is how i feel about my career? it scares me so much because i want it more than anything. i genuinely believe that good things are in store for me. i will be living the life i want.
this whole weekend, i've been talking to c and thinking about this. like, why is it NOT my dream to live in a small town and be a farmer's wife. or why can't i want something that seems so attainable? i could be a kindergarten teacher and live a lovely life with a house and stability. but i can't shake my dreams away. they don't disappear. and if i don't stick it out, i will never know.
i wanna live in L.A. i've been thinking about how amazing it would be to live in L.A...i mean, yes i am at the bottom of the fishtank here in TO and i would be even lower in the states...but god. i think if i had the exposure i could really do something great. i should prolly talk to sof about this. good thing i'm gonna see her in a month.
a cozy home, a wrap-around porch, a dog, a husband, and kids everywhere. sigh. i like it. a lot. hmm, a girl can dream.
peace dreams and faith.
xoxo
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2 comments:
questioning your faith is one of the most natural things in the world.
how can you believe in something if you don't take the time to question it? we have a duty to ourselves to constantly question what is being taught to us.
if we just accepted everything the way it was, we'd never move forward.
question all you want. as long as you find comfort in the answers you're getting, then you're on the right path.
in my humble opinion. ;) xox
i totally dig that. you're right. if we were to just go into complete agreement with something/someone than we'd just stay put. no moving forward. no change. no adventure. (i like a lil adventure ;) )
xoxo
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